Really, Kim?

Ok, so I showed my friend Kim my first public "writing".  I put that in parentheses because although that's what it is I am no author. But anyone who can put one word in front of the other can write. Right?

Even so, I found myself defending what I wrote.

"Why do you need me to say I was folding laundry, Kim. What else do you fold? You fold clothes. Dishcloths. Whatever. You don't have to say you are folding laundry. I don't want to take away from the conversation."

 "Ok, fine." Kim argues. Yes,she did not agree with me. What she really meant was "You are wrong, and I am right."  I can tell because she looks over her magnified glasses and glares at me as if to dare me to say anything more. And mainly because she isn't done. Not yet.,

"I can't tell who did the hair swirl. Who is saying what? It doesn't make sense to me!" Now she is finished.

 

I sigh. Yes, I did. And I took a breathe because I realized that I needed to listen, really listen and respect my friend, my reader, who I asked to read and give me her honest opinion. And a writer should never ever write a running sentence like I just did.

So, here is my first edited writing based on a readers input. 

 

Sigh.
A breath.  Slowly inhale and hold for two seconds.
Purse lips loosely. A pause....and slowly exhale.
     "Mom, you're doing it again!"
     "What?" Head turns towards prickly teen. Eyes squint.
     "That. The sigh. this is the tenth time this morning." The girl neatly pulls her sharply ironed hair into
a tight perfect ponytail.
    "Really. Hmm, I didn't notice." I go back to folding.
    "Could you, like, you know, stop it?" The girl harps.
     "I reserve the right to sigh. This is the mom sigh.  It is sadness. It is resignation,
frustration, exacerbation, and wtf.."
     "Giggle, snort." Hair swirl and hand wave by the girl.
     "WHAT?!" I tensly grip the basket.
     "Exacerbation. It sounds like masterbation!" 

Sigh